Why Gen Z doesn't want to answer your calls
The relationship between the landline telephone and teenagers is a storied one for anyone born before the ubiquituous adoption of mobile phones. For me, a mix of memories and feelings come flooding back when I think about the role of landlines in my household.
It started with learning how to answer the phone ‘politely’ (we would always state our own number first, then say hello), and realising how every household did it differently.
My sister tying up the phone for ages while I wanted to log onto Limewire to download a song. Me doing the same with some of my friends.
My brother walking around the pool in rhythmic certainty during conversations when we got our first cordless phone.
Having to deal with wrong numbers, prank calls (perhaps making a few, too) and the dread of calling a friend’s house and hoping one of their parents wouldn’t answer, and inevitably having to put on your ‘polite voice’ when they did.
These calls required certain skills:
small talk
a willingness to lose yourself in time when in the full flow of conversation
deciding who would hang up first when chatting to your crush
and recognising when things were slowly starting to wind up and deciding how to break off a chat.
The calls were unpredictable. Sometimes awkward, sometimes exhillirating, sometimes mundane. You never knew who was going to be on the other line when it rang, or who you might get when you called someone else. It was a small bit of uncertainty that you had to live with as part of every day life.
That all feels a far cry from today.
We now screen anyone who is calling us. We ignore anything that says ‘private number’, if we even answer phone calls at all.
A recent Australian study revealed the following about Gen Z Aussies (those approximately aged 16-24):
Just 10% would prefer to talk to their friends and family via a phone call over instant messaging
87% admit to handling an unpleasant task via text message instead of picking up the phone
Nearly half admit that speaking on the phone makes them feel anxious (49%)
The study went on to find:
Not only do Gen Z dislike speaking on the phone, they go as far to say an awkward phone call is one of the top three things they would most want to avoid (42%), ahead of large social gatherings (37%) or their phone dying in public (35%). Four in 10 admitted to “ghosting” someone just to avoid having a tough conversation over the phone (39%), and almost 6 in 10 dread making or accepting a phone call, even if it's necessary.
In other research from 2022, Gen Z respondents cited the ease, convenience and control over texting as prime reasons for preferring it over phone calls:
“Most of my friends and family I talk to prefer instant messaging too. It’s less abrupt than a phone call. You can always check your messages later. Also, it is easier to share media, links and gifs, which makes the conversation fun and entertaining.”
- Amal Al Jawini, 22 college student from Saudi Arabia
“I like texting because you can plan out what you want to say and edit it. I’m more used to texting rather than calling, and it makes me more comfortable.”
- Pooja Kumar a 22-year-old medical student from Liverpool
The article goes on to conclude:
Having the pressure to carry on the conversation and the awkwardness of ending a phone call is one of the reasons why Gen Z avoids phone calls. A gif or meme easily communicate someone’s emotions… Phone calls leave no room for errors, but with texting you can delete your messages and erase them forever.
Relying on texts and instant messaging as our primary means of communication means that we can strip out much of the uncertainty that I was forced to confront with a landline telephone through the 90s.
We can tightly control what we say, to whom, and how and when we say it. We can outsource the exchange of emotions through the use of GIFs and emojis. We can avoid the messiness and awkwardness of figuring out when to end a call, not knowing what to say in a certain moment or to keep a conversation going, or being caught out by an unexpected question or line of conversation.
On the surface, that sounds like a good thing. Why would we want to invite moments of awkwardness and unpredictability into our live social interactions?
Because, like anything, experiencing the difficult things in life, learning from unpredictability, is what makes us stronger.
It means we’re better prepared the next time. And then for the time after that. Until we get to a point where we somewhat relish the unexpected, and the uncertain, because we recognise its ability to build us up.
Life IS messy. It’s awkward, and unpredictable, and full of uncertainty.
Today’s world would have you believe that we can find a product, or different way of life, of a new approach that can minimise the uncertainty of the real world in order to make us feel more comfortable. But the reality is that we were born and bred to live in uncertain worlds and our task is to learn to adapt and grow comfortable with uncertainty, not to run from it.
As our ancestors evolved, they were primed to always be alert to what dangers might lie ahead, be it a snake, lion, neighbouring tribes, disease or devastating weather events. It’s learning how to adapt in an uncertain world that has meant we have the world of today and all its progress. But it has also meant that one of our chief tasks in this modern world is to lean into this evolutionary fact about ourselves and not run from uncertainty, but embrace it.
Remember, almost half of those Gen Z study respondents feel anxious answering a phone call, and 6 in 10 dread making or receiving one. But anxiety isn’t always a bad thing. Some of today’s mental health advice would have you believe that if you feel anxiety, something is wrong, with the situation or perhaps even you. But anxiety is natural for us all. Feeling anxious about something unidentified rustling in the bushes 50 yards away is what kept our ancestors alive.
Anxiety is simply apprehension, a nervousness, about something uncertain in the future. It’s a useful alarm that says we should probably pay attention to the source of that uncertainty, and decide how we want to respond. That’s it.
When we experience an uncertain moment, and we are able to slow ourselves down to figure out to respond to it, we put ourselves in a better position to know how to respond the next time. And we’re less likely to feel anxious subsequently. This is why so much about overcoming our fears in life centres on confronting them. Because the more we do so, the more we’re able to figure out how we can most effectively respond, and this in turn means they become less uncertain over time. And we’re less likely to feel anxious the next time.
Welcoming uncertainty into our lives is a key path to building resilience. It gives us the tools to feel confident that we can survive in unpredictable situations. And that’s what resilience ultimately is. The belief that we can keep going when things get tough.
This blog is called The Grey Life because so few things in life are black or white. We constantly live in shades of grey, in moments we can’t control, predict or approach with certainty. Like who might be on the other end of a ringing landline. So learning how to live within all this ambiguity feels like the best way forward to tackle this state head on.
The Grey Life is facing up to the uncertainty of what life might hold with the conviction to live out your values through actions that you hold yourself responsible for, and accountable to.
Invite the awkwardness of uncertainty, because through it, we stand the chance to build resilience.
And that might just start with answering and making more phone calls to friends, family and strangers. With all the messiness of small talk, unpredictable emotions and figuring out how to say goodbye.