Why you should care what other people think
You don’t often get a lot of people making the case for caring about the opinions’ of others. But let’s explore why and when we should, with Dr. Maya Shankar.
“Getting feedback from others almost gets a bad rap these days in society. Because it’s like ‘you should only care about who you are inside and who you know yourself to be’.
We are social creatures. It absolutely matters how I come off to others. A huge part of my self-identity should be how I impact others and we should be shameless about integrating that into our understanding of self.
If I feel like I am excellent person inside, yet I am regularly wounding the people around me, that matters. That’s relevant to how I see myself.
Other people are usually great barometers for seeing things that you might not be aware of.
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How often do you see or hear the following phrases banded about:
‘Be your authentic self’
‘All that matters is what you think of yourself’
‘You need to be true to yourself’
These phrases all have an element of truth to them. But, like everything in life, they’re not the full truth. When it comes to our sense of self, we are all made up of many different aspects:
We’re all made up of many things. Including the opinions of others.
What we think about ourselves matters. Of course, it does.
But so, too, do the opinions of others.
We are tribal creatures, made to co-exist amongst others. We cannot exist in a world where we believe that the primary thought that must shape our identity is what we think of ourselves. We are construcuted from our thoughts, yes, but also others’, and our previous experiences, and cultures and many other factors.
Each of which adds to our understanding of who we are. Or, at least, the story we tell ourselves of how we want to see ourselves. And there’s nothing wrong with that being a story, because that’s all we have to offer. But we should take responsibility for trying to tell that story as truthfully to ourselves as we can.
Taking onboard the views of others is an important part of that truth. Is it the whole truth? No. But it is part of it.
Remaining open to the views of others, even if you disagree with them, helps us to complete our own picture.
Life is a compendium of feelings, thoughts and experiences. And that means stepping outside of our selves, in order to be better understand our self. Even when it’s not easy to do so.