Why you shouldn't 'bring your whole self' to work
Gary Neville, not the most talented of footballers in comparison to his Manchester United and England teammates, was known for an intense work ethic being behind much of his career’s significant achievements. It appears he’s taken that same ethic into a successful post-football career through the establishment of different business ventures. To the point where he no longer recognises the idea of a ‘weekend’ or a ‘holiday’, but rather Gary indulges in “mini-retirements” a few times a year.
Earlier this year, a tweet highlighting a conversation Gary Neville and Diary of a CEO podcast host, Steve Bartlett, went viral.
What struck me about this exchange is Neville’s relationship between his own identity, and his work. They are inter-twined. To the point where time off from work is not defined in a way that creates separation from our work (think of the construction of the word “week-end”), but is rather intrinsically linked to it.
Gary Neville is a successful entrepreneur. I am not blind to the fact that having this myopic view of pursuing success is likely what has garnered much of it for him. And that is very much his choice. He runs his own businesses. He likely has a large amount of control over how those businesses are run, and the expectations that he likely places on them. He and his businesses are in many areas, I imagine, one and the same. It’s not the choice I would make for my life in that I value balance in this area arguably more than he does, but I also cannot judge him for making his choice.
But it did get me thinking about another phrase I see scattered across social media on a regular basis, LinkedIn in particular.
Bring your whole / authentic self to work.
Being authentic is an act of vulnerability. For many of us, we truly open ourselves up to only a select few special people in our lives. Perhaps for some that’s our parents, for others it’s close friends, for many it’s our partners.
But there is a reason we don’t tell every and anyone we meet about our deepest, most rooted concerns, worries or ambitions. Because the reality is that if you don’t know me, if we haven’t established a level of trust that we can both believe in, this is a risky strategy. I can’t guarantee that you might not use this against me.
Being authentic with someone is contingent on a trust that care, love, is unconditional between two parties. That is a pre-requisite to opening up with another, a skill that is vitally important and healthy for us all.
But the nature of employment for the majority of people is anything but unconditional. In fact, it is perhaps the most stringent definition of conditional that you might come across.
We agree to offer our services or skills in exchange for payment. There are conditions attached to what we bring to work. Our lengthy contracts spell these out in minute detail. Conditional environments can not immediately set a platform for authentic interactions. It is entirely understandable why someone might not feel compelled to bring their full self to work under these conditions. Nor, in my view, should they be expected to.
Of course, this is not to say that anyone who feels that they want to bring their most open, vulnerable self into the working environment should be restricted or discouraged in any way from doing so.
But rather it is a plea for re-balancing and understanding towards those who don’t.
In time, trust may very well be established to such an extent that many within their work place may feel like they do move towards more unconditional relationships with colleagues and peers. And authentic exchanges of course take place. Some of my most open relationships in life have been established in just this way. But I also know that for other colleagues that I’ve worked with over the years where this trust has not been established, they might have described me as less open. And I’m very much ok with that, because they’re right. I choose what to share with whom in my life. I don’t bring my whole self to work, until I feel the conditions are right to do so.
Authenticity in our lives is earned, not granted nor asked for.
Establishing healthy boundaries is an important skill we all need to develop and foster. And our workplaces are no different to any other interactions.